A headline rewrite that led to more sales

20 January, 2023

Here’s an example of a headline rewrite from when I was working with Tiago Forte on his productivity course, Building a Second Brain.

Before: Building a Second Brain
After: Do you consume tons of interesting information, but feel like it’s not leading to anything meaningful?

Longer, yes, which is a no-no to some. But people will read longer text if it’s relevant, and that’s the key here. The first headline isn’t relevant to the reader — the second headline is.

The increase in sales proved it was the right change to make.

Always keep telos in mind when writing headlines. Always answer the question, “What can this thing do for me?”

About the Author

Billy Broas

Billy is the founder of The Five Lightbulbs®.

He got into marketing his late 20's, when he left his career at an engineering company to run his online business. He’s consulted on messaging to top entrepreneurs, including Tiago Forte, Ryan Deiss, and Leila Gharani.

Billy lives in San Diego with his wife, their two children, and an abundance of tasty Mexican food.

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